7 Stressed Dad Tips for Dealing With Overwhelm
Takeaway: If you’re a father, you’re likely no stranger to dad stress. As a father of young children myself, I get it. However, through both my experience as a parent and my work as a men’s therapist, I’ve found plenty of tangible strategies to manage stress. In this post, I review some important signs that you’re struggling with stress and offer my top strategies for how to manage it all.
Understanding dad stress
If you're reading this post, it's likely that you're already tuned in with your stress levels. At the same time, you may not even realize how stressed you actually are when you're constantly in parenting mode. And if you're a new dad, you might even wonder if this is an inevitable part of your new role.
While some stress comes with the territory, it's still important to be aware of how you're feeling. Keeping a close eye on your well-being can help you prevent burnout or start to heal if your mental health is already struggling.
Learning the signs of dad stress (including some of the more subtle, unexpected ones) can help you gain insight into how you're feeling. Plus, understanding common triggers of parental overwhelm can encourage you to reflect on when it might be time to ramp up your self-care game.
Recognizing the signs
Stress looks different from person to person. Even though many dads (and parents of all genders) experience stress, each parent is unique. At the same time, there are some telltale signs to look out for, as well as some that you might not have realized were potential red flags.
Let's take a look.
Headaches
Stomach problems and/or appetite changes
Sleeping too much or too little
Irritability
Mood swings
Trouble concentrating
Difficulty relaxing
Behavioral problems like increased use of substances, TV/social media, or other numbing activities
Withdrawal from family and friends
Loneliness or emptiness
Overworking
Difficulty making decisions
No longer enjoying activities you used to enjoy
Keep in mind that this isn't an exhaustive list and that you don't have to exhibit all these signs to be stressed.
It's also important to note that these signs can also go beyond stress. In some cases, they might be symptoms of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder.
I recommend consulting with a mental health professional if you're experiencing any of these symptoms, though I recognize how difficult it can be to ask for help—especially for men. We'll talk more about the benefits of therapy for overwhelmed dads toward the end of this post, so stay tuned.
Understanding triggers
Let me preface this by saying that you don't need a specific reason to be stressed. While raising small humans is a gift, feeling overwhelmed is also a completely natural part of being a parent.
However, there can be certain factors or situations that can make things feel even more intense. In fact, research shows that many dads report common stressors during the postpartum period—check out this study.
Here are some examples.
Financial strain, like job loss or paying the bills as a single parent
Tension in your relationship with your partner
Mental illness, either your own or that of your partner, child, or other loved one
Physical health problems
Little time for self-care while trying to balance work, household chores, and spending time with your children
Changes in family dynamics, such as separation or in-laws moving in
Social pressure and expectations around fatherhood and masculinity
These are just a few common triggers that can contribute to dad stress. However, your experience is valid whether you're struggling with one of these situations or something entirely different.
7 tips to help overwhelmed dads manage stress
While it's normal to experience some stress (especially for new parents), you shouldn't have to resign yourself to a life of anxiety and overwhelm. Here are some strategies that I recommend to my men's therapy clients and use in my own life as a father of young children.
1. Incorporate mindfulness practices.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can have a positive impact on your mental health. I've experienced this firsthand: my daily meditation practice is one of the major rituals that keeps me grounded (and helps me show up for both my family and my therapy clients).
Plus, mindfulness can come with physical health benefits as well. This article from Harvard Medical School talks about how mindfulness can improve heart rate variability, which is often associated with lower instances of heart disease.
2. Be intentional with your time.
Creating a dedicated, organized schedule can help you feel more in control of your time. There's no right or wrong way to go about this. Maybe a paper calendar works best for your brain. Maybe a Google calendar with a different color for each family member's activities does the trick.
While it might feel impossible to carve out the time necessary to create a master calendar, it will more than likely pay off in the long run. Having everything written down can help you understand what you actually have time for—and perhaps what you can say "no" to as well.
3. Focus on quality over quantity.
It can be tempting to give in to the desire of trying to be everywhere all at once. However, spreading yourself too thin can make it so that you're never truly present no matter where you are.
I encourage you to try focusing on quality time. For example, instead of trying to cook an elaborate family dinner every night, can you make quick meals most nights of the week and choose one night to fully dedicate yourself to the process?
4. Find joy.
It's easy to get caught up in parenting stressors, especially for new dads. You want to be the best parent you can be, but the pressure to do so can end up causing you even more stress.
Instead of striving for perfection or constantly rushing from one task to the next, challenge yourself to find those little moments that make parenting work it. And when you do notice them, let yourself fully enjoy them. It's these moments that mean the most.
5. Build your support network.
There's a reason why people say it takes a village to raise a child. While our modern society isn't necessarily set up to support connection and community, it's imperative that you find a way to do so.
Whether you connect with a new father's support group, connect with friends who are also parents, or meet other parents at local children's activities, talking with other people who understand the stressors of parenting can provide much-needed validation and support.
6. Use clear, honest communication.
If you feel the need to keep it all together and never show how stressed you actually are, you're not alone. The culture of toxic masculinity can make it difficult for men to express their true feelings and admit when they need help.
At the same time, you shouldn't have to make yourself fit into this uncomfortable, unhealthy mold. I challenge you to get in tune with your needs and emotions and use clear, honest communication to tell those in your life what's going on.
7. Practice radical acceptance.
At the end of the day, there's no way to completely eradicate dad stress, so incorporating a degree of acceptance is essential.
Let me be clear: this doesn't mean resigning yourself to stress levels that are through the roof. Rather, it's about accepting that parenthood will never be a "perfect" or stress-free experience—and letting yourself find the beauty in it anyway.
The role of professional help for stressed-out dads
All of these tips can help manage your stress level as an overwhelmed dad. However, self-help strategies can only go so far. If you're still struggling or simply want a little extra support, I invite you to consider pursuing mental health care.
As the owner and founder of Madrega Wellness, I provide men's therapy in Denver, and supporting new fathers is one of my specialty areas. I know firsthand how stressful and enriching parenthood can be, especially for those of us who are seeking a new relationship with the concept of masculinity.
Working with a therapist can provide you with a safe space to explore your identity as a man and a father, as well as take some much-needed time to focus on your own mental health and well-being. Plus, you'll get personalized support in incorporating these strategies (and more) in order to help you work through dad stress.
If you're interested in learning more, I encourage you to schedule a free consultation. This can help us learn whether we're the right fit for each other and give you a sense of what to expect from the process. I look forward to connecting with you!
